The one with the race & THE news!! (Part 1)

The past few weeks have been quite a physical & emotional roller-coaster for our family & this is a feeble attempt to capture the details.  So here we go:

Details you need to know:
-At this point, we are legally matched to our 2.5yr old son & waiting to hear back from China about our paperwork
-We still know nothing concrete about the 5yr old boy we've requested to adopt
-We have been waiting 14+ months to hear if China has released his file & if we get to adopt him
-Our agency is based out of Colorado, so there is a 3 hour time difference
-We are prepping for the Chosen 10 Mile Race that would be held Saturday, 10/18/2014--I am slightly injured & JP has never run that far, ha!
-We are selling our incredibly awesome "Faith of a mustard seed" t-shirts designed by our Jayson & our talented friend Ryan

So here we go:

Friday, September 26, 2014

Per our usual routine, we called our agency to ask for an update our little guy.  When I called for the update, I knew something was up.

Because here's the thing: social workers are smart creatures.  The good ones are quite skilled at saying just enough to answer your questions without revealing information they are not allowed to reveal.  This is what happened during this particular conversation.  She asked me if Jonathan & I had discussed what we would do if we were not matched with him--& my heart sank.  I diplomatically replied "no," we had not & she proceeded to suggest that we begin having that conversation.

That was all, nothing more, nothing less, & no further answers at that time.

Let me interrupt myself here to let you know that our contact person at the agency has been NOTHING but kind, empathetic, & efficient in her communication efforts with us; therefore, we were not angry with her, but understood this was all part of the process.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Two weeks have passed since the ominous phone call.  We spent the 2 weeks looking at each other saying, "this sucks."  And it did.  It really, really did.  Because we may not be social workers, but we're smart creatures too.  When you adopt, you learn a thing or two about "deductive reasoning" & "the gut feeling."  Neither worked in our favor here.

After the phone call, deductive reasoning suggested that his file had been released by the CCCWA (China's adoption authority) & that our agency had it in their hands.  This would have been a good thing except for the discussion that took place on 9/26. So we deductively reasoned that yes, our agency had his file, & yes, there was another family interested in adopting him-or a child like him- & yes, they were ahead of us in line.

Let me interrupt again: the way China works is that everyone that wishes to adopt from China signs on with an agency, describes the type of child they would like to adopt, submits this paperwork, & is placed on a list, in chronologic order by the date they submitted paperwork. When a child comes available, they simply go down the list & offer the file to families whose request meet the child's characteristics.  

In our circumstances, this means another family requested to see his file, or one like it, prior to the date we did.  Therefore, they got to see it first.  If they said "yes, we want to adopt him," he would be adopted by their family; if not, his file would move on to the next family--& we weren't exactly sure where we were in line (we really thought we were family #3).

On our way to dinner the evening of the 10th, our social worker from the agency called us & let us know that our deductive reasoning was correct: there was another family, potentially 2, in front of us in line, they had his file, & they were trying to make a decision.

And so we struggled.  We couldn't really talk about it for a few days as we both attempted to wrap our heads around the reality that God just might have a different plan for this little one than the one we thought He had.

And in my gut, I knew we had 'lost' him.

We prayed ultimately that His will would be done: we know how greatly our lives have been changed, how much stronger we are as individuals, as a family, & how much clearer we see how God loves us through our adoption journey with Jayson--& who are we to want to take that from someone else?!?  We know God loves this little boy more than we ever could, & we trust Him with his life. We felt confident that we could love this little guy, provide for him, & meet his needs, but who's to say this other family couldn't do all those things as well??  We know that more than anything, we want to be God's hands & feet in this little one's life, as we build relationship & work to bring His restoration to the dark, hurt corners of his life....but who's to say the other family wouldn't do those things too??

So we did the only thing we could do: we prayed for the other family to be courageous & wise & we prayed for our little one's future.  We prayed that if God wanted him in their home, that they would be courageous enough to say yes, despite the unknowns.  We prayed that if He didn't, they would be courageous enough to say no & that they would know God's peace about the decision, regardless of the outcome.

So we clung, ever so tightly, to the mustard seed of faith that God had indeed given us His vision for our family & that he would be ours, despite the odds stacked against us.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Jonathan never really did wrap his head around the fact that this little boy might go home with another family.  He just knew God was going to pull through, show off, & bring him home to us.  I, on the other hand, wasn't so sure.  I struggled with God, wrestled with Him.  Did He bring this little guy to us so that we would know & adopt our 2.5yr old?  Was there another child He was asking us to adopt?  Was it only going our 2.5yr old & could I really be joyful & happy if so?

I had a million questions.

Did He bring this little one into our lives so we would have an ounce of understanding of what it's like to love someone we've never met, long for them, & yet not get to spend this life with them?  Was this all so we could relate to how our adopted children must feel about their belly parents & families??  Is this how our children's biologic parents feel about the children they have trusted us to raise as our own??

And I am reminded of the painful part of this journey for all involved: there is no adoption without loss.

So as you can imagine, I didn't sleep much last week:  there's a 12-hour difference between us & our boys, so when we go to sleep, they're getting up for the day.  When we wake up, they're going to sleep.  I often wonder who's tucking them in for the night.  Are they warm/cool?  Are they hungry?  Are they happy/sad?  How will Jayson adjust?  What can we be doing to make the adjustment easier on him?  Is he making real friends at school?  How's my sweet, faithful husband's heart?  How can I love him well through this? Where in the world is the family that has his file?  Are they scared?  Are they at peace?  Are we becoming a family of 4 or a family of 5?  Holy cow, how are we going to do this?!?  What if we "lose" him?  How are we going to cope?  How do we tell Jayson?  Will we be able to find out who adopted him?  Can we send him the 100 wishes quilt we're making for him anyway?  What if they put him up for re-adoption?

These are just some of the thoughts that keep me up at night.

So I did the only thing I knew to do: I started praying.  I prayed for the Mom & Dad that had his file.  I prayed that they would be courageous & know peace in their decision.  I wondered what they were like.  I wondered if they had other kiddos.  I prayed for their family to love him unconditionally & unashamedly if he was going to be theirs.

And I prayed for my own heart.  I asked God to change my heart about this kiddo if he wasn't going to be ours, & I begged Him to help me fall out of love with a child I've never met so that I can focus on the people He's blessed me with.

He didn't answer this request.

Friday, October 17, 2014

I woke up Friday morning before the Chosen race excited, nervous, & feeling as though my heart was being pulled in a million different directions.  I am so very, very honored to be becoming a Mama again to a beautiful little 2.5yr old boy!  And I am so very, very proud to be married to Jonathan & to get to be Jayson's Mama; the magnitude of these blessings is not lost on me!

As much as my heart longs to know what's going on with the 5yr old little guy, I am overwhelmed with joy to get to love our newest son!  Everything we can tell from our video update shows us how adorable, feisty, & smart he is & we cannot wait to meet him!

But every time my phone rang my heart skipped a beat.

So there I was, slightly injured (difficulty with my left IT band from running, so I am walking with a limp), answering questions about race registration, & in my hairdresser's chair getting my hair done for the first time in many moons.

And the phone rang.

10:44am EST, 7:44 Colorado time

"How are you doing today?"  ~agency social worker

"Okayyyyyy (thinking to myself "my answer really depends on what you're about to say!).....what's up?"  ~me

"I have a little boy here that needs a home."  ~agency social worker

"Is it ______ (code name of the 5yr old boy)?!??!"  ~me

"It is!!!" ~agency social worker

And when I tell you I cried tears of joy, I'm being for real: there, in the hairdresser chair with my hair soaking wet & half way done, I cried uncontrollable tears of joy!!!

Best haircut of my life!

"We don't care what's in his file, we say 'yes!'  Jonathan said I could say that!!"  ~me

"I just got off the phone with the other potential family & they have declined to adopt him.  They've had some things come up in their family & they know they cannot meet his needs right now.  She said she had to call first thing this morning.  She was very heartbroken & hated to say no, but have wrestled with the decision & they didn't sleep at all last night.  This morning, she looked at her husband & he said, 'I know, he isn't our son.'  She said she knew he was right, but they haven't stopped crying since.  I hope you don't mind, but I shared a little about your family & how much you've longed for this child.  She seemed very grateful to know he is going to be loved & well cared for."  ~agency social worker

And to the Mama that had the wisdom & courage to say 'no' when I know it broke your heart: If you are somehow, someway, through the miracle of the internet reading this, I cannot tell you how honored we are that not one set of parents, but 2 are trusting us to raise this beautiful little boy as our own.  You are a brave woman & I respect how difficult this decision must have been for your family.  We do not see this as "us winning" but a beautiful part of the story that we will share with him one day & that he will know how much he is loved by your family as well.  Just as I would promise his belly Mama, I promise you that I will love him unconditionally, unashamedly, & with everything that I have to give.  Our family is no where near perfect, but we love each other with reckless abandon & promise we will strive to love him the way our Heavenly Father loves us!  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for letting us love him!!

And that, my friends, is how our God works in mighty & mysterious ways!!  That, my friends, is HIS timing at its finest, writing a story with details we could not have orchestrated if we had tried!!  That, my friends, is validation that all it takes is a tiny amount--a mustard seed sized--faith that God will come through on His promises!!

That, my friends, is how we became the Pattersons, Party of 5!!!!

And now I am emotionally spent & promise to re-convene with details from Chosen Race in part 2

....trust me, you'll want to read it too!!

The one with the race & THE news!! (Part 1)

The past few weeks have been quite a physical & emotional roller-coaster for our family & this is a feeble attempt to capture the details.  So here we go:

Details you need to know:
-At this point, we are legally matched to our 2.5yr old son & waiting to hear back from China about our paperwork
-We still know nothing concrete about the 5yr old boy we've requested to adopt
-We have been waiting 14+ months to hear if China has released his file & if we get to adopt him
-Our agency is based out of Colorado, so there is a 3 hour time difference
-We are prepping for the Chosen 10 Mile Race that would be held Saturday, 10/18/2014--I am slightly injured & JP has never run that far, ha!
-We are selling our incredibly awesome "Faith of a mustard seed" t-shirts designed by our Jayson & our talented friend Ryan

So here we go:

Friday, September 26, 2014

Per our usual routine, we called our agency to ask for an update our little guy.  When I called for the update, I knew something was up.

Because here's the thing: social workers are smart creatures.  The good ones are quite skilled at saying just enough to answer your questions without revealing information they are not allowed to reveal.  This is what happened during this particular conversation.  She asked me if Jonathan & I had discussed what we would do if we were not matched with him--& my heart sank.  I diplomatically replied "no," we had not & she proceeded to suggest that we begin having that conversation.

That was all, nothing more, nothing less, & no further answers at that time.

Let me interrupt myself here to let you know that our contact person at the agency has been NOTHING but kind, empathetic, & efficient in her communication efforts with us; therefore, we were not angry with her, but understood this was all part of the process.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Two weeks have passed since the ominous phone call.  We spent the 2 weeks looking at each other saying, "this sucks."  And it did.  It really, really did.  Because we may not be social workers, but we're smart creatures too.  When you adopt, you learn a thing or two about "deductive reasoning" & "the gut feeling."  Neither worked in our favor here.

After the phone call, deductive reasoning suggested that his file had been released by the CCCWA (China's adoption authority) & that our agency had it in their hands.  This would have been a good thing except for the discussion that took place on 9/26. So we deductively reasoned that yes, our agency had his file, & yes, there was another family interested in adopting him-or a child like him- & yes, they were ahead of us in line.

Let me interrupt again: the way China works is that everyone that wishes to adopt from China signs on with an agency, describes the type of child they would like to adopt, submits this paperwork, & is placed on a list, in chronologic order by the date they submitted paperwork. When a child comes available, they simply go down the list & offer the file to families whose request meet the child's characteristics.  

In our circumstances, this means another family requested to see his file, or one like it, prior to the date we did.  Therefore, they got to see it first.  If they said "yes, we want to adopt him," he would be adopted by their family; if not, his file would move on to the next family--& we weren't exactly sure where we were in line (we really thought we were family #3).

On our way to dinner the evening of the 10th, our social worker from the agency called us & let us know that our deductive reasoning was correct: there was another family, potentially 2, in front of us in line, they had his file, & they were trying to make a decision.

And so we struggled.  We couldn't really talk about it for a few days as we both attempted to wrap our heads around the reality that God just might have a different plan for this little one than the one we thought He had.

And in my gut, I knew we had 'lost' him.

We prayed ultimately that His will would be done: we know how greatly our lives have been changed, how much stronger we are as individuals, as a family, & how much clearer we see how God loves us through our adoption journey with Jayson--& who are we to want to take that from someone else?!?  We know God loves this little boy more than we ever could, & we trust Him with his life. We felt confident that we could love this little guy, provide for him, & meet his needs, but who's to say this other family couldn't do all those things as well??  We know that more than anything, we want to be God's hands & feet in this little one's life, as we build relationship & work to bring His restoration to the dark, hurt corners of his life....but who's to say the other family wouldn't do those things too??

So we did the only thing we could do: we prayed for the other family to be courageous & wise & we prayed for our little one's future.  We prayed that if God wanted him in their home, that they would be courageous enough to say yes, despite the unknowns.  We prayed that if He didn't, they would be courageous enough to say no & that they would know God's peace about the decision, regardless of the outcome.

So we clung, ever so tightly, to the mustard seed of faith that God had indeed given us His vision for our family & that he would be ours, despite the odds stacked against us.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Jonathan never really did wrap his head around the fact that this little boy might go home with another family.  He just knew God was going to pull through, show off, & bring him home to us.  I, on the other hand, wasn't so sure.  I struggled with God, wrestled with Him.  Did He bring this little guy to us so that we would know & adopt our 2.5yr old?  Was there another child He was asking us to adopt?  Was it only going our 2.5yr old & could I really be joyful & happy if so?

I had a million questions.

Did He bring this little one into our lives so we would have an ounce of understanding of what it's like to love someone we've never met, long for them, & yet not get to spend this life with them?  Was this all so we could relate to how our adopted children must feel about their belly parents & families??  Is this how our children's biologic parents feel about the children they have trusted us to raise as our own??

And I am reminded of the painful part of this journey for all involved: there is no adoption without loss.

So as you can imagine, I didn't sleep much last week:  there's a 12-hour difference between us & our boys, so when we go to sleep, they're getting up for the day.  When we wake up, they're going to sleep.  I often wonder who's tucking them in for the night.  Are they warm/cool?  Are they hungry?  Are they happy/sad?  How will Jayson adjust?  What can we be doing to make the adjustment easier on him?  Is he making real friends at school?  How's my sweet, faithful husband's heart?  How can I love him well through this? Where in the world is the family that has his file?  Are they scared?  Are they at peace?  Are we becoming a family of 4 or a family of 5?  Holy cow, how are we going to do this?!?  What if we "lose" him?  How are we going to cope?  How do we tell Jayson?  Will we be able to find out who adopted him?  Can we send him the 100 wishes quilt we're making for him anyway?  What if they put him up for re-adoption?

These are just some of the thoughts that keep me up at night.

So I did the only thing I knew to do: I started praying.  I prayed for the Mom & Dad that had his file.  I prayed that they would be courageous & know peace in their decision.  I wondered what they were like.  I wondered if they had other kiddos.  I prayed for their family to love him unconditionally & unashamedly if he was going to be theirs.

And I prayed for my own heart.  I asked God to change my heart about this kiddo if he wasn't going to be ours, & I begged Him to help me fall out of love with a child I've never met so that I can focus on the people He's blessed me with.

He didn't answer this request.

Friday, October 17, 2014

I woke up Friday morning before the Chosen race excited, nervous, & feeling as though my heart was being pulled in a million different directions.  I am so very, very honored to be becoming a Mama again to a beautiful little 2.5yr old boy!  And I am so very, very proud to be married to Jonathan & to get to be Jayson's Mama; the magnitude of these blessings is not lost on me!

As much as my heart longs to know what's going on with the 5yr old little guy, I am overwhelmed with joy to get to love our newest son!  Everything we can tell from our video update shows us how adorable, feisty, & smart he is & we cannot wait to meet him!

But every time my phone rang my heart skipped a beat.

So there I was, slightly injured (difficulty with my left IT band from running, so I am walking with a limp), answering questions about race registration, & in my hairdresser's chair getting my hair done for the first time in many moons.

And the phone rang.

10:44am EST, 7:44 Colorado time

"How are you doing today?"  ~agency social worker

"Okayyyyyy (thinking to myself "my answer really depends on what you're about to say!).....what's up?"  ~me

"I have a little boy here that needs a home."  ~agency social worker

"Is it ______ (code name of the 5yr old boy)?!??!"  ~me

"It is!!!" ~agency social worker

And when I tell you I cried tears of joy, I'm being for real: there, in the hairdresser chair with my hair soaking wet & half way done, I cried uncontrollable tears of joy!!!

Best haircut of my life!

"We don't care what's in his file, we say 'yes!'  Jonathan said I could say that!!"  ~me

"I just got off the phone with the other potential family & they have declined to adopt him.  They've had some things come up in their family & they know they cannot meet his needs right now.  She said she had to call first thing this morning.  She was very heartbroken & hated to say no, but have wrestled with the decision & they didn't sleep at all last night.  This morning, she looked at her husband & he said, 'I know, he isn't our son.'  She said she knew he was right, but they haven't stopped crying since.  I hope you don't mind, but I shared a little about your family & how much you've longed for this child.  She seemed very grateful to know he is going to be loved & well cared for."  ~agency social worker

And to the Mama that had the wisdom & courage to say 'no' when I know it broke your heart: If you are somehow, someway, through the miracle of the internet reading this, I cannot tell you how honored we are that not one set of parents, but 2 are trusting us to raise this beautiful little boy as our own.  You are a brave woman & I respect how difficult this decision must have been for your family.  We do not see this as "us winning" but a beautiful part of the story that we will share with him one day & that he will know how much he is loved by your family as well.  Just as I would promise his belly Mama, I promise you that I will love him unconditionally, unashamedly, & with everything that I have to give.  Our family is no where near perfect, but we love each other with reckless abandon & promise we will strive to love him the way our Heavenly Father loves us!  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for letting us love him!!

And that, my friends, is how our God works in mighty & mysterious ways!!  That, my friends, is HIS timing at its finest, writing a story with details we could not have orchestrated if we had tried!!  That, my friends, is validation that all it takes is a tiny amount--a mustard seed sized--faith that God will come through on His promises!!

That, my friends, is how we became the Pattersons, Party of 5!!!!

And now I am emotionally spent & promise to re-convene with details from Chosen Race in part 2

....trust me, you'll want to read it too!!

The one with Jeremiah & the t-shirt

So we're hoping to travel in the next few months to get our sweet boys.  We have no official update yet, but please continue praying!

Today's verses from YouVersion--an amazing website/app-- are Jeremiah 33:1-3 NLT

"While Jeremiah was still confined in the courtyard of the guard, the Lord gave him this second message: 'This is what the Lord says—the Lord who made the earth, who formed and established it, whose name is the Lord: Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.'"

Wow, this one nailed me in the heart like a 2x4 to the face!  A few thoughts: 1) Jeremiah was in jail. JAIL. EEK. 2) He was still seeking the Lord despite his earthly circumstances. 3) He could hear the Lord's voice 4) God promises if we ask, He will answer.

As we wait on the Lord, we find ourselves in the position to live this scripture to its fullest.  We know God has a magnificent plan our lives & our boy's lives; & we know He loves them more than we ever could.  What our souls know & our minds wrestle with are often pinned against each other in stark contrast & sometimes it's tough to see the story God is writing.

So we have "mustard seed" days:  days where we are waiting & we cannot see the plan unfolding.  Days when we know what He's called us to & we cling to His promises because it's all we have.  Days when there is nothing left to do except wait on Him--& the Chinese government--& pray.

Today is a "mustard seed" day.  Honestly, I fear we may be in for a "mustard seed" week.  But that's ok.  We know & trust the journey as God has revealed to us so far, & we are clinging to our mustard seed as we ask Him to show us the "remarkable secrets we do not know about things to come."

As you know from previous stories, God has abundantly blessed us in this journey of adoption.  In addition to the details in this post, we've had friends provide the funds for Chosen Charlotte  advertising materials & the prayer support we've had is incredibly amazing!

We are so blessed.

There are many families that use creative methods for fundraising for their adoption.  After much prayer & consideration, Jonathan & I decided to sell t-shirts to raise money to support our upcoming travel expenses.

We've actually worked on it for several months now, & the we think the result is pretty AMAZING:

Jonathan & I have drawn great strength & encouragement from Matthew 17:20--the "mustard seed" scripture.  This is the inspiration of the t-shirt. 

The Chinese characters represent "faith in God" & the word "faith" & the scripture reference is written by our 7 year old son, Jayson.  

Our dear friend, Ryan Morris, is massively talented & has worked relentlessly to help create the final product. We are very grateful to him & his wife Alexis for how they have helped us & loved on us!

The colors for the design of the shirt were chosen because of what they symbolize in Chinese tradition: the color red represents good luck, celebration, happiness, joy, vitality, & long life.  The color black is the traditional color for young boys (who will continue the family/ ancestor lineages); also represents stability, knowledge, trust, adaptability, will, & emotional protection.  The color orange indicates change, adaptability, spontaneity, & strengthens concentration.

This truly has been an act of love & we are so excited for each of you to have the opportunity to purchase one!  We will profit $9.50 from each shirt sold, & there are kid's, women's slimfit, long-sleeved, & hoodie sizes available in addition to the standard unisex t-shirt!

If you're planning on joining us for our airport homecoming---when we arrive back in the US from China with our boys (there is not a specific date yet & ALL are welcome)--we'd LOVE for you to purchase one so we can see the sea of red, Faith in God when we return home!!

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE:   https://www.bonfirefunds.com/patterson-family-adoption

Thank you all for your love & support, we will keep you posted~

The one with emails, mandatory unemployment, & goats in Guatemala

Hello~

Today we'll start with emails.  Ahh, emails.  In the process of adoption, every email that comes through could be "the one we've been waiting for."  You know, the one that provides an update on our child or our paperwork.  The one saying the government, immigration, or some other important entity has approved our most recent request.  The one confirming that we've been legally matched to our son.

Those emails look something like these:

And sometimes, emails that come do so to inform us of the next payment due in the process.  For numerous reasons, international adoption can be very expensive--this is different than adopting from the US foster care system which typically requires very little expense on the adopting family's part-- & This blog post from Show Hope does a great job of explaining the expenses involved.  

So sometimes when the chime on my phone signals a new email it's wonderful news, & sometimes it's a new opportunity for us to put our money where our faith is & trust God with His plan!

[By the way, the agency we're working with for our China adoption has been FANTASTIC when it comes to giving us the cost estimate up-front & I'd be glad to discuss this part of it with anyone that is earnestly interested in learning!]

If you've read previous posts, you know my amazing hubby Jonathan--whom I like to brag about publicly--recently graduated & was given a mandatory 8 weeks off between graduation & starting his new job.  This was precious time for us as a family & a couple, but it meant we had no income for that 8 week period.  

So we prayed.  And we planned.  And we saved.  And we pinched pennies to ensure we could finance our everyday life while in the midst of an international adoption. 

You see, up to this point, we have been blessed to have paid for all our adoption costs out of pocket, but we knew this hiatus & the timing of our paperwork could be tricky.  

But as with every story that God writes, He had a plan to show up & show off during this time, despite our best planning efforts!

We knew what the costs were going to be that were associated with sending our paperwork to China, & we knew we were looking at a substantial amount in fees as our paperwork moved.  Honestly, the best plan we could come up with was to wait until Jonathan got his first paycheck--which would include a sign-on bonus--to use that money to move forward.  This would have resulted in an approximate 8 week delay in our paperwork, but we saw no other choice at the time.  

So God showed up & showed us His plan. 

I have to tell you that we have this INCREDIBLE community of adoptive families in our lives.  They are nothing short of AMAZING & it is such a blessing to do life with people that get it.  People that get the joys & sorrows of stepping into this world & recklessly pursuing the Father's heart in this way.  They are truly a blessing from God!  If you're a foster or adoptive family & you don't have a community of support, FIND one!  Right now, go!  Or call me if you get stumped & we'll find you one!  It's that important.

Back to the story: One summer afternoon we spent some time with one of the families & as we were leaving, they handed us an envelope.  We didn't open it until we got home, but the amount of the check they gave us to support our adoption nearly knocked me off my feet.  $2,000.

Of course we tried to give it back, & they wouldn't take it.  

The following week we were advised by our agency that we needed to pay $1,950 to send our paperwork to China.  With no income.  But we had a $2,000 check from friends that love like the Lord does.  So we paid the bill & our paperwork inched forward.  

Chills up & down my spine FOR REAL!  Our friends had no idea, we had no idea [we knew that payment was coming but didn't know when & we hadn't discussed it with anyone].  It was simply what they felt led to give--only God can do that y'all!

Ready for the "goats in Guatemala part?"  

So I have this friend whom I've only met once in person. She too is an adoptive mama & has had her eyes opened to the plight of women living in poverty around the world & how that directly contributes to the global orphan crisis.  She has since partnered with an amazing company that allows women to make jewelry, accessories, & home decor to be sold in the US.  These are women living in areas of the world where they would otherwise be unemployable.  Amazing stuff, truly!

So she emailed me & asked me if I wanted to do a Facebook fundraiser for our adoption.  We would partner together, she would virtually "host" a show, & she would donate her entire commission to our adoption.  Raising awareness & support for women around the world while fundraising AND our supporters would walk away with incredible gifts that would tell the story again & again....no-brainer!!

And one of the coolest parts of it all is that this particular company--in addition to having a superb business model--picks a charitable organization each month & provides donations to said charity as incentive for the entrepreneurs to sell more items.  So during the month of August, for every $600 sold during a show, the company agreed to donate a goat to a family in Guatemala.  Each goat provides sustainability & income for these families.  Whew, I'm getting chills just writing about it almost 6 weeks later!  YAY!

It was the first effort by my friend to partner with an adoptive family & raise money.

Y'all ready for this: our little FB party sold just over $1,200 in goods, so we earned 3 GOATS for GUATEMALA!!  EEK!!  3 GOATS--1 for each of our sons!!

All together, the company donated 98 goats to families in Guatemala, Haiti, & Costa Rica because the Guatemala program didn't need all 98!!  

And the amazingness continues:  our partnership resulted in $450 commission which my friend graciously gave to us to support our adoption adventure. 

Guess how much the next week's email told us we needed to pay?  Remember we are still "unemployed" & income-less.  

$360 translation fee.  EEK!! 

And God shows off yet again!!  Seriously.....I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!

Y'all for real: God will show up.  He always does.  He keeps His promises that when He asks you to do something, He will faithfully walk the journey with you.  It doesn't always look like what I want it to in my life, & Lord knows His timing & mine are not always in sync, but He is always there, waiting & wanting to show how much He cares about you!

This week our pastor said, "We all want a miracle, we just don't want to put ourselves in a position to need one."  

I challenge you to put yourself in the position to need one.  Most likely it will be hard & it will get messy--hey, He might even turn your world completely upside down--but it is worth it y'all!  Worth the heartache, worth the tears, worth the struggles to get to see His hand at work in your own life. 

It's worth it. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

To check out the company I referenced above, you can find JJ Roberson on FB at JJ Roberson Trades of Hope S. Florida or online here.  It's a great way to educate yourself & support our sisters around the world!

Plus their stuff is BEAUTIFUL!

The one with integrity, envy, & my dirty feet

Let's start with integrity, which is not in & of itself a bad thing.

In May, I graduated from my dream graduate program from my dream school & in June, I received my dream certification:

& I officially became DeAnna H. Patterson, MSN, BSN, RN, CPNP!!

Then God said "no."  

No for real: after 3 years, thousands of dollars, & what felt like millions of miles later....God said "No DeAnna, the answer is no."

And He said "no" in a very clear manner. 

Like most new grads, following graduation, I prepped my CV, ironed my interview clothes, dusted off my "I-can-do-anything" pointy-toed black pumps & started applying for jobs. 

I sent out CVs & conducted follow-up phone calls as I prayed for God to make it clear what He has planned for this chapter of my life.  

As it turns out, He had been working in my heart for over a year, prepping me for His "no."  

Being in the process of adopting is much like interviewing for a job when you're 7 months pregnant--only there's no "baby bump" to give your secret away.  People don't necessarily wait for you to cross the parking lot or hold the door open as you waddle through; they also don't know that you're going to need the equivalent of a maternity leave sometime in the next few months.  

But what isn't different is the anticipation of your family growing & the personal knowledge that your life & family is about to be forever changed. 

When I began interviewing, JP & I prayed for clarity & wisdom regarding how & if I should present our family circumstances to my interviewers.  For us it was a no-brainer.  

I will always live & die by my faith, my love for my husband/children/family & friends, & my integrity.  And sometimes, maybe there's just too much integrity for my own good.  I'm a hard worker.  I am smart (in regards to a few things).  I love my profession.  I want to be a good employee.  I give 100% to everything I do.  I am a team player.  I value diversity in all aspects of life.  I want to learn from others.  So why wouldn't someone want to hire me? 

The truth that God has been pressing into my soul over the past 2 years is that while yes, I do believe I can be a heck of a PNP, now is not the time for me to do that. 

The Bible teaches us that there is a time for everything under Heaven (Ecclesiastes 3) & that God uses all things for the good of those that love Him (Romans 8:28).  He loves each of us & has a plan for each of our futures as we run after Him (Jeremiah 29: 11-14).  

But what He doesn't promise is that this journey called life will look like what we think it does!

Enter "envy."

I know many women who dream of being a stay-at-home Mama [SAHM] & I respectfully share that I am not one of these women.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with this dream, it just hasn't been mine (& quite frankly it still isn't).  I want to be working.  I want to be using what God has given me in the means of my brains, my education, & my passion to leave my community & my part of the world a little better than I found it.  I want to make money to contribute to our family's finances.  I want to be a PNP for Pete's sake!  

But the reality is that I do not want any of these things more than I want to chase after the Lord & the plan He has for my life.  I do not want any of these things more than I want to love my husband to the best of my ability or more than I want to be the Mama my feisty little boys need me to be.  These dreams trump any professional dream I could have, & what I hear the Lord speaking to my heart is not "no," but instead, "not right now."  

Now is the time I get to focus on my family, our family, & the magnificent story God is writing in our lives!  I don't have to do this, but I get to!

But that doesn't mean I don't struggle.  I still fight the envy my flesh feels.  My heart & soul know that I am doing everything I can to run after God, but my flesh wants the things of this world.  This is the ultimate battle.  

As my girlfriends get jobs & I see Mamas "doing it all,"--& doing it well I might add--I fight the envy that says "but I want that! I want what she has!"  (picture me whining...ha.)  And this, my friends, is a battle worth fighting.  

And now for my dirty feet. 

In the past 24 hours, I have seen God's hand at work; I have seen why He's said "no" for now & how He's revealing more of Himself to me:

Yesterday a dear friend picked me up from the mechanic shop & chauffeured me around town as we canvassed our town telling folks about Chosen Charlotte & why we're supporting the event.  We didn't ask for money, we just asked for the opportunity to share why the event is happening & why we're a part of it.  We spent 6 hours in our quaint little town & had endless conversations with people about adoption.  We met adoptive adults, people who knew someone who had adopted, & handed out over 200 informative flyers.  It was an exhaustingly wonderful day! 

Later that night, I was sharing with JP the stories of the day when I realized just how tired I was & how dirty I felt.  Thanks to my wonderful hubby, I proceeded to head upstairs to soak my tired legs in a hot bath.  It was then that I noticed just how filthy my feet were.  The weather yesterday was overcast & mild, but in true NC fashion, it was extremely humid.  I wore flip flops & a maxi skirt for our trek around town, & I honestly didn't realize how dirty my feet had gotten.  They were so filthy the bathwater immediately turned a light gray when I stepped in.  Yuck.

As I proceeded to scrub my feet, I couldn't help but think about what the Bible says about dirty feet. I was completely humbled as I recalled the Scripture that reads:

"How beautiful on the mountains

are the feet of the messenger who brings good news,

the good news of peace and salvation,

the news that the God of Israel reigns!"  (Isaiah 52:7 NLT)

We all know the prophets weren't tromping around Jerusalem in their sneakers; neither was Christ or His disciples.  History tells us they wore sandals--if anything at all.  Just before His betrayal, Jesus demonstrates humility, service, & love when He washes the feet of His own disciples (John 13).  That can't have been a glamorous event.  

I always thought this particular Scripture, Isaiah 52:7, to be in reference to missionaries.  You know the ones: the people that hear "the call," sell all their American possessions, kiss their families goodbye, & take off to the African Bush to tell unreached souls about Christ's love.  That's who the Scriptures are referring to right?

Probably so, but maybe there's a modern-day, pertinent lesson to learn here. 

So there I sat, scrubbing the dirty of the day off my tired feet.  And God took that moment to speak to the depths of my soul & remind me that "the feet that bring the good news that God reigns are beautiful."  Woa.  I sure didn't feel pretty, but as I recalled conversations of the day, I smiled at the opportunities we were given to dirty our feet as we obediently stepped out in to our community to share with them a modern-day cause that is near & dear to our Heavenly Father's heart.  

Integrity, envy, & dirty feet.  I am not perfect but Heaven knows I am trying. And I will continue to clumsily run towards Him as I store treasures in Heaven because that's where my heart ultimately longs to be.  My prayer for you is that you would see His hand in your journey & that you will have many opportunities to get your feet dirty!

The one with aaalllll of August!

So it's been over a month since I've written anything--well that's not entirely true because I've started posts I can't seem to find the words to finish.  Maybe I've lost my knack for writing. Maybe.

I digress.

August 2014, what a month!  This month started with a (slightly) therapeutic shopping trip where I purchased our boys matching tees.  

#chinamama #waitingmama #boymomtimesthree

Then we celebrated Jayson's last week at Primrose with the annual summer musical. Our little guy looked so grown & so handsome!

Next came my birthday. My 31st to be exact.  And I felt the need for a new 'do so bangs it is.  And I'm still rockin' them!

I cannot believe I don't have a picture, but on my birthday, our UH-MAZING community group from church coordinated many of our local friends/family like friends for a birthday & dual graduation cookout for JP & me!  It was a complete surprise & neither of us knew they were doing it.  It was AWESOME!

Next, JP & I dropped our kiddo with Gamme & Papa for the week while we took off to California. We headed west to celebrate the wedding of one of his college buddies, & during the planning phase (over a year ago), we had NO idea we'd be in the midst of a dual international adoption.  So like all good parents do, we planned to drop the kiddo & take a few extra days to ourselves rompin' up the west coast.  And we did.

We started off in Long Beach where we stayed on the Queen Mary (a very old, Titanic-esc boat)

We busted out 5 miles together the morning after. So fun!

We rented a convertible (for $1/day thanks to my frugal husband) & cruised up to the wedding in Woodland Village, CA.

It was a beautiful celebration & we had a wonderful time!

After the wedding we hopped in the car & cruised up the Pacific Coast Highway--if you get the chance to do it, do!  It was beautiful!  We saw Malibu, quaint fishing villages, sunbathing elephant seals, & a beautiful sunset.

The hardest part of this leg was standing by the ocean knowing our boys are just on the other side.  So close, but so far away.

Then we set off to explore the San Francisco area for 2 days.  We saw the Redwood Forest, Coit Tower, Chinatown, the Golden Gate Bridge, & Fisherman's Wharf.  We rode trolleys!  We ate amazing food & hiked the hills of San Fran till our feet hurt!

Oh August, there's more.

2 weeks into the month boy my boys took off on their latest adventures: JP started his first job as an attending & Jayson started the 1st grade!

Because all things superhero helped our superhero not be afraid

gosh my men are handsome & ready to take on the world

Took the first day of 1st grade like a champ!

So we celebrated with an age-old Fritz Family tradition (w/a twist):
ice cream cone @McDonald's after the first day of school

And our little guy now loves reading because--according to Mrs. Beers--he "reads like a grown-up
[& we COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD]

Houie, however, has been slightly depressed & waits for them to come home everyday, poor baby

And you think that would be enough to keep us busy for a month, but there is more:

7 years old. By the end of the month, our J turned an amazing 7 years old & while birthdays are FABULOUSLY fun, they bring hard stuff too.  Like chats about his bio family, & the very natural questions he has about why he's not celebrating with them.  Tough stuff.  But that's a post for another day.

There is plenty of oh-so-amazingly fun stuff too: like his very first friend-oriented birthday party. In a pool, Complete with ice cream superhero cake, cupcakes, watermelon, cheese puffs, & a chaotic but wonderful shower of gifts!.  There were wannabe pancake-crepe things for breakfast--made better with Nutella--& mac & cheese from Bojangles for lunch & Cracker Barrel for dinner.  All his favorite things.

As for China: our paperwork was officially logged in to China's system on 7/30/14 which means we are now waiting for China to send us the all important LOA.  This will trigger the final paperwork chase prior to traveling.  Our hopes remain to travel between Thanksgiving & Christmas. We are also continuing to wait for the file of the 5 year old boy that started this whole thing to begin with :)  Rumor has it that we should be hearing something official soon, so we appreciate each & every one of your prayers!

And that is where we bring August 2014 to a close.  Life is great, we are wildly blessed, & my boys are off to amazing new adventures where they will grow, be challenged, & make a difference in their worlds.

And I am off to nest as we wait for our newest boys to arrive :-)

The one where we explain DTC, LID, & speculate about the future (again)

When you're adopting--doesn't matter from where--every phone call from an unknown number, every email that comes in, every alert of a new message means it could be THE ONE. 

THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. 

but....the reality is that most of the time they're not: they're simply telemarketers & junkmail

or they're the type of contact you really didn't want to get; like the one [or 2 or 3] in our case where something wasn't quite right with our paperwork & we needed to chase down someone, make a day trip to Raleigh (again), or call in a favor.

BUT sometimes....oh my....sometimes THEY ARE ACTUALLY THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

Friday, July 25th= Dossier to China

We are DTC!!!

In short, our Dossier is a compilation of 13 documents about Jonathan & I, who we are, what we do, our finances, our home study, etc--that have been legally approved by Cabarrus County, the North Carolina Secretary of State, the US Secretary of State, the office of US Immigration Services, & the US Chinese Consulate.  The completed & approved packet was reviewed for accuracy & translated into Chinese by our agency & mailed to China on July 25th, 2014---or our "DTC Day"!!

Next step, wait.

We were notified Monday, July 28th, 2014 that our dossier had made it across the world & had been delivered to the China Center for Children's Welfare & Adoption (CCCWA).  They are the people/organization that approves us to adopt our boys, so they are pretty important to us & we pray for them DAILY.  For real.

Then today, oh today's news came much quicker than we anticipated!

We are LID!!

This means today is our "log in date": the date that our dossier has been logged into China's system!  We're on their radar now folks!

So what now?

We wait.

But if you've been following our blog or know anything about international--or domestic for that matter--you probably already knew that :)

So sometimes the process moves REALLY fast, like this week, even when you least expect it.  Other times....oh the other times it moves so.very.slow.

Next step for us is to wait for our "letter of approval" [LOA].  This is the letter stating that the CCCWA has reviewed our packet & approved us to adopt the specific child(ren) we are currently matched to.  Rumor is an approx wait of 5-6 weeks for LOA from LID.  That puts us LOA around the week of September 11th. 

We are matched to our little "Teddy" (2.5 year old boy) & are still waiting to hear about the older kiddo we requested about originally.

We would LOVE for you to pray with us to move our paperwork through the system & get our boys home in time for Christmas!  What an amazing present that would be :-)