The one with the fruits of the spirit & my heels

If you're like me & you spent years growing up in the church, this verse is ingrained in your memory.  Thanks to years of Bible Drill, it's ingrained in mine!

The thing about verses like this--the ones that are ingrained in our memories--is that sometimes the route memorization causes the meaning of the verses to lessen in our daily lives.  Not that the meaning itself lessens at all, but that we glaze over the words as if to say, "oh yeah, I know that one."  

We've been home from China less than 3 weeks & this was the verse of the day a few days ago. You would think, coming off an adoption trip, I would be able to look in the mirror & say, "I am so blessed to see all these things in me."  

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness 

Gentleness

Self-control 

umm yeah...

There are many, good-intentioned people that think every couple that crosses oceans or opens their home to adopting a child would naturally have an abundance of all these qualities. That's what it takes, right?

riiiiight....

BTW sidebar, if you need a daily dose of encouragement, check out YouVersion online & download the FREE Bible app.  You can get widgets for your homescreen with a verse of the day, receive devotionals (complete with reminders) directly to your phone, & read the Bible on the go in just about every language known to man!  It's great!

Please hear me, I know your intentions are meant for good; however for this Mama, every time I hear, "oh I could never do that.  You are amazing."  I cringe.

And I cringe HARD because I know just how broken of a woman, wife, & mother I am.  I know how many times I yelled at my children today & needed the "do over." How messy the house is. How I could make more of an effort with my hair. How I haven't worked out in weeks & am sore from carrying kids up & down stairs.  How much weight I've gained.  How often I've thought about how much easier life would be if we hadn't chosen to be obedient to the Lord's calling.

I've thought about it, trust me.

And better yet, JP & I talk about it.  Ultra-amazing hubbs, I know ;)

So a few days ago, I woke up in a daze, stumbled stealthily downstairs to the coffee maker so as not to disturb our minions, & clumsily read the words of this verse as the coffee dripped at what felt like a snail's pace to this exhausted Mama.  My first thought was, "oh yeah, I know that one."

My second thought was "sh*t, I am doing a TERRIBLE job displaying these characteristics to my husband & our children right now."  

2x4 upside the face. 

I waited for my coffee to finish & could not shake the thought of what a horrible, evil, ungodly person I am outside of the Lord.  The verse reminds us that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control are not worldly qualities but characteristics bestowed upon us by the Holy Spirit.  I started beating myself up emotionally for all the stuff I've done wrong in the past few weeks....all the ways I haven't chosen relationships over right-ness, all the times I've let the little things blow my lid.

I'm really good at beating myself up emotionally, trust me.  I'm sure I'm not alone in this 'skill," in fact, I know I'm not, but for me, the worst is when the Scriptures are so convicting.  That morning it was as if a spotlight was shining on some of my biggest sins & I felt defeated. So this day was doomed before it ever began.

And Satan would have been happy if that's where this ended...

          enter a fortune cookie tangent, but stick with me here...

"When pushed, love digs in its heels."

I got this fortune out of a fortune cookie on Easter as we were eating our first Chinese takeout since coming home.  It was no mistake.  I decided it needed a home where I would see it everyday, several times a day.  Taped the coffee maker won out since the tatoo shop is no place for a 3 & 5yr old (but later...seriously!)

As I chugged my coffee, hoping to find a better attitude at the bottom, my eyes came across these words.

"When pushed, love digs in its heels."

Love digs in its heels.  Christ dug his heels to the cross so that I could know Him, so that I could know His love & pour it out to those around me....& I am stubborn as a mule.  Ok, we can work with this.   

I'm no Biblical scholar, but what the Lord has been whispering into the depths of my heart through this whole fruit-of-the-spirit-love-digs-in-its-heels thing is that He is who I should be turning to; He desires to be my source of strength.  

And He GETS IT Y'ALL.  

Christ understands.

Christ understands what it means to be called upon by the Lord to do something He may not have exactly wanted to do--in the garden before He is betrayed He prays, asking the Lord to remove the "cup" if possible:

"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”  Luke 22:42  NLT

There is nothing about me that wants to live a life where I have to confront all the things I like least about myself: like how I am lacking in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control.  I don't want to have to deal with the hard stuff.  I used to be such a 'good person' before I was a wife/mother. Ha. 

But Christ set the example that sometimes real love is a choice of obedience, one of respect, & I can completely relate to that:

"...but I will do what the Father requires of me, so that the world will know that I love the Father. Come, let’s be going."         John 14:31 NLT

What I love so much about Christ's words here are that they prove that sometimes real love is stubborn as hell; rather, more so.  He could have changed the circumstances, but He knew what it was going to take to defeat Satan.  He knew it was going to take everything He had, & though I'm sure he wasn't excited about the pain, He was committed to the mission because you & I were worth it.  

You & I were worth all the pain, all the humiliation, all the hurt.  We were worth death. 

It's the most selfless picture of love the world has ever known. 

I am so blessed to live a life where I get to know the love of this Savior: the never-ending, unconditional love & grace that says it doesn't matter how much I think I deserve to be "beat up" for my faults, He refuses to do that because He died for my salvation & my sanctification. 

So this week He has been challenging me to view my actions through the lens of the Fruits of the Spirit~

Am I showing love to those closest to me, not just strangers & social media?

Am I filled with joy & peace that run deeper than my circumstances? 

Am I demonstrating patience? (ha!)

Are my actions kind?

Am I choosing goodness over selfishness?

Am I faithful; am I deeply trusting the Lord & His plan?

Are my hands gentle?

Am I demonstrating self-control?

Am I gifting these to my husband or demonstrating these to my children?

This journey is so much less about me fixing those around me than it is how God is changing me, challenging me to move closer to Him & His character.  And it is wonderful & hard, all wrapped up into one. 

I am so grateful He believed in me enough to endure the cross, so I can dig my heels in to show those around me His love. 

I am serious when I say I'm getting it tatooed one day....so stay tuned ;-)

The one with #pattersonpartyoffive update (Originally written 3/30/2015)

Originally written 3/30/2015**

Hello all~

Most of you know by now that yes, we are home safe & sound!  What a relief it was to hear "Welcome to the United States of America Ladies & Gentlemen" & even sweeter, 4 hours later, "Welcome to Charlotte!"  Not that our trip was bad at all, but international travel with 3 kids under 7 is a tad bit stressful (ha).

Apparently overcoming jet lag with 3 kids under 7 is proving to be a tad bit stressful as well, though I am very happy to report that we really are all doing well considering 2/5 of us don't speak English & we've been out of the country for almost 3 weeks!  

Friday night many of you were able to gather to welcome us home...what a blessing each of you were to our weary bodies & stressed souls!  Truly a sight for sore eyes!  Jonathan & I have talked several times about how energizing it was to be welcomed home by our family & friends with open arms & familiar hugs.  There were also friends present with multiple cameras catching sweet moments on film.  As soon as they are compiled, we'll send them out!  Such a huge blessing & hard to verbalize how special that time was for us.  We hope one day the boys understand what that was all about, but until then, JP & I will cherish the memories on their behalf. 

Jayson sure was excited to see many of his favorite people in the same place welcoming him home :D  

For those that couldn't make it in person, THANK YOU a 1000x over for all the phone calls, texts, emails, & well-wishes from afar!  Know that you are no less important to every member of our family than those that were physically able to be there in person. 

I really have to say the boys seem to be settling in well overall.  They are still waking up in the night, but their time awake has gotten shorter each night.  They are eating well, thanks to our dear friends Wendy & Alexis that managed to shop Grand Asia Market for a few of their favorites & stock our pantry with their 'comfort' foods!  Wendy--whose family is from Taiwan & whose daughter is adopted from China--also suggested a few simple recipes for me to cook & they have delighted in daily congee & romen noodles :-D  We've been very grateful for her insight!

Grand Asian Market was waiting on us when we got home!
Perfect for the boy's late-night cravings & comfort food needs.
Thank you Alexis & Wendy!!

Another HUGE blessing has been our local family & friends: they are stocking our friend's freezer with crockpot & freezer meals. What a relief not to have to worry about dinner at this point!  I simply let myself in our friends--the Morris'--garage & peruse their extra freezer that has been stocked with meals for our family to enjoy.  Quite a blessing!

Jayson is doing extremely well, although he too has been quite stressed (as we completely expected).  He is sleeping great, which is the biggest blessing.  He is very silly with the boys, & although this kinda irritates JP & me at times, we have talked about how great he has been with the boys--we fully believe his silliness & playfulness has helped remove much of the fear the boys could have been experiencing during this time!  To watch the brotherly bond develop between the 3 of them is absolutely precious & a bit mind-boggling.  Neither JP nor I told them about their birth order or how to relate to one another, but boy their personalities "fit" to a t!

We also want you to know that we may 'hibernate' for a bit, unintentionally & intentionally.  Now that we know the boys & understand a bit of their personalities, we're trying to wisely discern how to proceed in integrating them into our life outside the walls of our home.  We plan to attend church & take them swimming at the Y (they LOVE swimming, just like Jayson), but we're not sure when or what it will look like yet.  By that we mean we're quite ready to leave them in someone else's care, outside JP & me.  Please understand this is not a reflection on anyone personally, but a a period of time meant for us to teach our boys what it means to be a part of a family, what it means to have a Mommy & Daddy, & that they can trust us to care for them.  We know this is not a foreign concept to many of you, but we just wanted you to know where we are right now :)

There are definitely moments when I wonder how we're actually doing to do this day in & day out, but the Lord constantly reminds me that He brought us here & asked us to stretch our faith to follow Him here, & He will not leave us.  Thank you all for being tangible hands & feet of Christ to our family as we transition to a #pattersonpartyoffive & thank you for being our prayer warriors!

Now that we're home, I'm going to put updates & such on our blog: 

http://truthsfromajoy-filledverytiredmama.blogspot.com/

So feel free to sign up for email updates or check there to get the latest.  Information was so haphazard about how China monitors things & who they monitor, we felt it was best for me to keep our story--& our faith--somewhat 'quite' publicly so as not to draw attention to ourselves in a negative light from the powers that be.  The Lord made it clear the boys were our mission (this time around) & that we were being wise in how we chose to proceed.  Now that we're home in America--the land of the free & the home of freely expressed opinions--we plan to continue blogging :D

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much for being a blessing to our family, all 5 of us 6 if you count the dog ;)

Much hugs & love to you all~

Jonathan, DeAnna, & our 3 boys!

​

The one with the "Brother Baths" (Originally written 3/24/2015)

Originally written 3/24/2015**

​All my boys are sleeping--including my rockstar Hubbs--& I'm e-journaling processing through all the feels.  I wanted to share a little about "brother baths" & how the Lord is teaching me already through these 3 kiddos:

Tomorrow is our last big day here in China: we’re actually here until Friday morning, but tomorrow—Wednesday, March 25^th, 2015 is the day of our US Consulate appointment here in Guangzhou.  Though the boys are legally our children, we have not yet received US visas for them to enter our country.  Adoption laws between China & the US state that adopted children are granted full rights as US citizens the moment their feet touch US soil. Tomorrow we will head to the US Consulate & vow under oath to love, care for, & raise these children as if they are our biological children.  Easy enough, right?!

But first, there is much to share about “brother baths.”

“Brother bath” is probably my favorite part of the day with our sons.  On day #1 Jayson dreamed up “brother baths” & it was an instant hit.  Big brother for the win!  Minute by minute per capita there is more giggling--& splashing of course—& there are more smiles, during brother bath than any other part of the day.  It may have been a crappy day, but when brother bath arrives, it doesn’t matter at all.  Language doesn’t matter; color of skin doesn’t matter.  It’s as if the world stands still, all the hard stuff fades away, & pure, unadulterated joy takes over.   It is precious time for my Mama heart. 

And yet as I watch them play & listen to the giggles, I can’t help but notice the scars on each of my son’s little bodies.  They have each come to us with scars.  We knew what Jayson’s preexisting scars were from, & were fortunate enough to be there for some of them before he was legally ‘ours.’  We know nothing about our China boy’s scars.  Are they from illness?  Abuse?  Medical Procedures?  We have no idea what procedures or illnesses brought our China babes their scars; and it is likely we will never know.

What we do know is that the scars are a reminder that our boy’s stories started before us.  They are a reminder that all adoption is born of great loss & that is hard.  There will always be a part of their lives we know very little about.  The physical scars remind us of the emotional scars they brought with them to our family; the loss of their biologic families, the loss of their country; their language; the loss of everything they've ever known.

They are so young & so innocent to have scars that run so deep.

As I watched them playing tonight I started to feel overwhelmingly sad that I don’t know what the scars are from.   What happens when they ask JP & me one day if we know & we don’t have the answer?  Maybe they will wonder, maybe not, but I am their Mommy & I want so badly to have answers to their tough questions.

And then, just in the way He likes to do things, I felt the Lord speak into my heart that it doesn’t  matter if Jonathan & I know every detail of their lives before us—don’t get me wrong, if any of our boys want to search for the answers to the questions they have about belly families & life before us we will walk with them in that if they want us to!  What matters is that the Lord knows every hair on each of my 3 son’s heads; He knows every scar; He knows if they were from injuries inflicted with intent to harm or from medical procedures where a Mama/Daddy/Nanny waited with open arms to comfort them afterwards.  He knows who was with them in their darkest hours before us.  He knows because He was there.  In the middle of China, in what feels like the post-apocalyptic world to JP & me, He was there.  He has always been there, & that is the best answer we could ever give to our boys regarding their scars. 

Now I can look at my boy’s scars & see a reflection of the scars Christ gained for my sins, long before my story began.  What a sweet, precious reminder of the unconditional, redemptive, sanctifying love that Christ so freely gives. I will never look at their scars without remembering this Truth. 

So tomorrow morning, in what feels like the blink of an eye, these sweet, mischievous boys will be fully ours & we will have our ticket home (visas are delivered to us on Thursday afternoon & we catch a plan Friday morning).  Jonathan, Jayson, & I will return to everything familiar, comforting, & safe; but our newest additions will leave everything familiar, comforting, & safe to them.  I cannot even fathom how traumatic this could be for them & am praying fervently that the Lord will protect their little hearts & grant Jonathan & I wisdom as we navigate this transition period with them.  Please remember our boys in your prayers for this specific reason. 

PS~ one of these days I'm going to get a great "brother bath" shot, but they're a moving target & this is the best I could get, ha!

The one with Exploring GZ (Originally written 3/24/2015)

Originally written 3/24/2015**

Hello~ 

Guangzhou (GZ) is much prettier than the other cities we've been to & the weather is pretty nice.  The boys are getting a little stir-crazy, so we spent the morning exploring the Pearl/jade market & Shamin Island.  Great weather but what a trekk with 3 kiddos in tow!  I'm not sure I'll ever get used to keeping up with 3, but I know many a Mama that did/do it well & my hats are off to you all! 

We bought jade necklaces to give to the boys when they grow older--an ancient Chinese tradition.  And, after several hours of trekking around Shamin island (think Asian NOLA or Charleston), we finally found the place to buy Chinese/English Bilingual Bibles!!  I was so happy to find the shop that I hugged its owner when we arrived...ha!  We bought 2 Bibles & a plaque for our home.  Such sweet treasures to remind us that the Lord does indeed love each & everyone of us, despite language or ethnicity differences. 

He is SO proud of his Jade!

He was more concerned about the box :)

Honing in on his "big brother" skills  #pandapals

I know I have more pictures of the BEAUTIFUL Shamin Island,
but I can't find them right now, so this will have to do. 

During quiet time today (which is almost over), JP graciously allowed me some "mama" time: I hit up Starbucks for the first time in several weeks & am feeling like a new woman...ha!  

BTW, this is my 'souvenir' (as if the boys don't count or something)!

I also walked back to McDonald's--where I bought our lunch--& looked for the homeless guy JP & I have seen for several days in a row.  He is an older guy with a twinkle in his eyes.  He doesn't appear to move very well.  I asked him if he was hungry & he said 'yes'...so I bought him a meal & took it to him.  He cried, I cried, & was reminded that sometimes the Lord only needs a small act of obedience to truly touch someone's life.  Maybe it was only a meal, but JP & I will forever remember him & hope to see him in heaven.

We are all pretty tired of living in 1 room with 1 bathroom & JP, Jayson, & I are ready to come home. People stare here.  Not in the (relatively) polite way that Americans do…you know the “try not to let them see me staring at them way,” but full-on, stare you down, walk up to you & rattle off things in Chinese kind of way.  That is hard for me.  Usually the boys seem unaffected by it, but sometimes I can tell it really bothers them too.  It's uncomfortable for us, but has really shown some light on how our boys could feel when we come to the US with them.  

Most of the people are very welcoming, kind, & willing to help these 2 frazzled parents.  Maybe one day we'll get used to corralling 3 kiddos!  

Please continue to pray for my Mama heart: the language is very difficult for me--as opposed to JP--& I'm struggling to comfort our kiddos when they are upset.  I can't understand what they need & they can't tell me how I can help them.  JP is solid as a rock & doing great with them & I am so thankful to be on this journey with him.  

The "Kopok" tree, my new FAVORITE!  It has no leaves, but is covered with BRILLIANT red blooms.
Chinese tradition believes these trees are good luck & will literally build roads & buildings AROUND Kopok seedlings/trees
to make sure they don't bring bad luck on the building or shame to their family.  They were STUNNING!  Think they'll grow in NC??

We love you all & greatly appreciate your prayers!!

The one where I felt like crap. In China. (Originally written 3/22/2015)

Originally written 3/22/2015**

Whew, what a week!  The past 24 hours have been our "rock bottom": 

something JP & I ate caused a 24hr stomach bug that knocked me on my rear & had JP practically single-handedly maneuvering our trip from Zhenzhou to Guangzhou.  He is a rockstar of a husband & daddy!!  

Yesterday was the boy's first flight & they did fantastic--praise the Lord!  We arrived in Guangzhou--which seems to be the most westernized place we've been yet--& spent last night sick, in a room with no AC & 1 king bed for all 5 of us.  Not fun.  & also revealed how spoiled we really are. 

We are now in a room with working AC & 2 double beds, thank you Lord! 

3/17/15 The boys legally became our sons!

Last Tuesday, the boys officially became our sons & it was a joyous moment for our family.  The following 2 days we traveled to each boy's hometowns to apply for their passports--talk about hard on the Mama/Daddy heart.  The socioeconomic difference between the urban working class & the rural townspeople is astounding.  One of our son's towns was absolutely filthy with dirt roads & trash everywhere; the other was immaculate with a University & beautiful landscaping.  We were not allowed to visit the finding place of one of our sons because it was too treacherous & 2 hours farther than the city that claimed him (where we had to apply for his passport).  Viewing our other son's finding place was heartwrenching at best. 

3/16/15 We met Fu Cheng Rui first, he even beat us there!

3/16/15 Several hours later, Wu En Jie showed up & our family was in the same room!

Passport trips were quite the adventure:

there is so much about this one that I love

No carseats in China, but we used seatbelts :)

Precious moment for me, thank you super-hubbs for documenting it!

I just lost half the email so I'm going to try again-- 

The internet is frustrating for me.  I don't have access on my phone & it is spotty at best when using my computer.  JP isn't have any trouble on the ipad or his phone though.   This is clearly one way Satan is attacking me as this has demonstrated to me how encouraged I am by being connected to other believers via social media & the internet. 

So let's try this again. 

It sucks watching the fear unfold in our boys.  One is stuffing it away & one is letting us know right now that he is not ok with what's going on.  One has been all smiles--except when he doesn't get his way--the other has wanted nothing to do with me.  He & JP have built an incredible bond that is absolutely beautiful though.  Unexpectedly on the day we met our sons, we learned that one was in foster care for 3 years--I got to meet his foster mamas & OH.THE.FEELS.  Words cannot describe, but we stood in the parking lot & sobbed at our present reality.  One of them asked me (through the interpreter) if we were Christians & she broke down uncontrollably when I said "yes, God's love is the reason we're here."  She replied, "then I won't have to worry about him & I will see you all again in heaven."  OH.THE.FEELS. 

Thank you Lord for Your gospel that makes this true. 

Jayson is stressed & anxious, but has been a real trooper & is the most amazing big brother.  The son that wants little to do with me has begun connecting with him, wanting to hold his hand when we go places.  Warms my heart so much!  Jayson also came up with "brother bath" which is probably my favorite time of day: they're all smiling & giggling & it's fantastic.

Here's the brief skinny of a few God-nods this week (these are the moments we know the Lord is here watching us): 

-We were at one of the boy's hometowns applying for passports when a woman came up to our guide & asked if she could take a picture of our group (ourselves & one other family).  This is not unusual since Caucasian parents with Asian children stick out around here.  We've gotten this request several times but this one was different: she asked to take a picture & shared with us how touched she was by our families adopting & caring for children "no one else wanted."  

Zing.  

She took the picture & walked away.  A few minutes later she came back & told our guide that the woman that was with her (who was crying) wanted us to know that she will be praying for our families & our boys everyday because she is so touched by our stories.  Oh.the.feels. 

-3 women approached me in the airport yesterday--while JP was checking our luggage & our children were running around--& asked if we were Christians.  That greeting caught me off guard, but I responded, "yes, we are" without thinking--then I thought 'oh crap, I'm going to end up in jail in China, sick as a dog; please Lord, no!'  She proceeded to ask about our group & the agency we work with--I answered in very brief sentences because I didn't want to get anyone in trouble.  She seemed quite alright with our interaction.  One of the younger women chimed in & said "we are Christians & we want to help our China orphans, do you know if your agency takes volunteers or needs paid employees?"  

Oh.My.Word.  

Between the illness & conversation, I truly almost vomited on the spot.  I shared with them the contact info for our agency & told them I would be praying for them.  The Lord is raising up people in China that want to care for the fatherless & I hope & pray those women get the chance to do so. 

This week we take the boys for medical checks & visa application.  This week entails MUCH less driving & much more having fun!  We found a small outdoor playground & pool here at the hotel.  This place is a 5 star Fort Knox for families adopting--most everything we need is here including Starbucks! 

The boys are absolutely precious & we keep looking at each other asking ourselves how we got so lucky & how we're going to survive this all at once.  Seems like the right mix of emotions to be having right now.

I'm not sure how much more updating we'll get to do, but I will try. 

 Thank you so much for all your prayers & please keep them coming!!

The one with day #2 & day #3 (Originally written 3/15/2015)

Originally written 3/15/2015**

Hello family & friends~

Yesterday was an adventurous day in Beijing for us!  We began by hiking the Great Wall--Jonathan ended up carrying Jayson in our Ergo b/c the steps were uneven & varied in depth.  It was an interesting & eerie feeling to see in real life what we've only seen in books & to be standing in a place where so many people died in vain (in my opinion).  It wasn't what I expected, but it was beautiful!  

Ridiculously hard climb & we only went half way!
Worth the view despite the pollution. 

We have a lock in Italy at the "Via Dell'Amore" & now we have one in China at the Great Wall too!
Might have to start a new Patterson Family tradition :)

We (sort of) met a REAL Tibetan Monk!  Ok, he didn't say anything when we asked for a picture but he smiled :)

Then we ate lunch Chinese-family style & toured the 2008 Olympic area (by bus).  The juxtaposition between everyday life in China--the Houtongs that we visited the day before--& the opulence of the Forbidden City & Olympic Park is still surprising to me.  

Yesterday afternoon we watched one of China's most revered acrobatic performances & it was truly breathtaking!  The artistry, music, choreography, & individual skills of the performers was amazing.  I also had my first "bubble tea" since arriving in China & it was super-yummy!

We said goodbye to our Beijing CCAI reps, Miss Laura & Mrs. Alice this morning.  It was bittersweet leaving them as they are incredibly kind women & have welcomed us & nurtured us well.  Miss Laura did the honor of signing the boy's 100 wishes quilts in the boy's Chinese characters.  Such a sweet moment for me. 

Last night we packed & prepared for our journey this morning.  This morning we caught the bullet train from Beijing to Zhengzhou (pronounced 'Jengjo') which is the capital of Henan province where our boys live. 

The city isn't much to look at as there is ALOT of construction everywhere, but our hotel is absolutely stunning on the inside!  Nothing short of swanky & MUCH fancier than anything JP & I would have chosen on our own.  It feels very over the top, but it's nice to have a nice comfortable place to be as we welcome our boys into our family.  

When we arrived in Zhengzhou, our CCAI rep, Yisha, met us at the train station & the first thing she did was provide us with an information sheet on each boy.  Some of the info was stuff we already know, some of it was brand new to us! The most precious part to me is that Teddy's orphanage advised us that they talk about us everyday & he is curious/interested in our picture.  So sweet to this Mama's heart.  

We are in our room settling in & will meet our travel group@3 for money exchange & a field trip to Walmart :)  Because it wouldn't be a family event until we have to go to Walmart!  ha.  We will be buying bottled water, formula/milk for the boys, & a few small toys.  When we get them & know what their sizes really are, we will shop for a few clothes & shoes. 

Our travel group is fantastic: one couple is from Pinehurst & knows our dear friends Russ & Kristi Russell (from Venture church).  Their bio son Rand & Jayson have become big buddies very quickly.  Such an incredibly small world & such a blessing in our lives already!

​Hope you can enjoy some of our pictures.  The smog is horrible here so we're praying for good health among the many other prayers we are lifting up!

Our projected meeting time for the boys is mid-morning 9-12--this correlates to 9-12 in evening after for you in the States.  Please keep us in your prayers!!​

And thank you again for all your encouragement & support!!

The one with "we're here!" (Originally written 3/13/2015)

Originally written 3/13/2015**

So we're here!  We made it safely & the flights were pretty uneventful over all!

Our hotel is super-swanky & there are 7 other families here with our agency for adoption purposes.  We are touring Beijing together today & will leave to head to Zhengzhou early morning.

Our CCAI rep, Laura, met us at the airport.  Likewise, a
representative from New Hope (where Ray Ray lived for several years)
met us to pick up the supply suitcases that we brought with us for
them.  New Hope is a medical foster home much like the Howell Center
where Jayson grew up & they need supplies to care for the children
that they cannot get in China.  So, families & travelers headed to
China have the option of checking extra luggage & bringing the
supplies to them--this is cheaper & much more secure than attempting
to FedEx them here.  It was such a blessing to our hearts to be able
to help in some capacity!  Last Sunday, when JP & I opened the
suitcases for the first time, we noticed that every item in the bags
were things that we had used with Jayson when he came home--trach care
kits, g tube kits, etc.  Gets me all teary-eyed again just thinking
about it!  We were able to donate several leftover items of similar
materials that we hadn't been able to get rid of in the States.  I
couldn't bring myself to throw them away, & now we get to see why.
What a great little God-nod in the midst of the preparation chaos.

We arrived at our hotel last night & got settled in before
heading out for dinner.  We ate beef & fungus, dumplings, & lo mein
noodles for dinner at an authentic noodle shop right by our
hotel...super-yummy!  Last night's sleep was ok, although we were all
pretty much awake & ready to go quite early :/  We managed to off/on
sleep until 6ish :)  We got up & ate breakfast at the hotel restaurant--it was awesome!  We ate Dragon Fruit & cognee & several amazing other treats like rice cakes & steamed buns.  So good.

Today we toured urban Beijing: we saw Tian'anmen Square & the
Forbidden City, then we rode Rakestraws through a traditional urban
Beijing neighborhood to a local family's house.  They fed us the most
amazing, authentic spread of Chinese food & it was SO YUMMY!!  Good
stuff.  The dichotomy of Chinese culture is quite evident: areas of
town like the Forbidden City are created with such opulence, while the
neighborhoods just blocks away are most definitely what we would
consider 'poverty-stricken' in America. The family's house we at lunch
at had a Christian calendar hanging on the wall; the scriptures were
written in Chinese & English & that warmed my heart immensely!  I
asked where we could buy one & the response is that 'you can't.'  The
government doesn't allow Christian goods to be sold, so someone must
have given it to them.  It is not illegal for people to possess
Christian items (Bibles, paintings, etc), but it is illegal to
buy/sell them.  JP & I have been praying that we can find a Chinese
Bible somewhere for each of our boys, so we shall see...

The weather has been beautiful & the pollution is not too bad!
Everyone here smokes--which is a drawback, so my nose has been pretty
irritated.  Other than that, we're doing great & hoping to be on a
better sleep/day schedule.  We are on a 12 hour difference, so
when you wake up, we're going to bed & vice versa.

Jayson is doing absolutely amazing!  Jet lag is a booger, so he has
had a few cranky moments today, but overall, he's really doing well.
There's a sweet family from Pinehurst here to adopt a 3yo boy, & they
brought their (almost) 4yo bio son with them.  He & Jayson toured the
town from the comfort of the double stroller & have become fast
friends!   Jayson is practicing his big brother skills on Rand & keeps
saying "when I'm a big brother on Monday..."  which is very sweet to
this mama's heart :)

I'm a little speechless to describe how it feels to be so close to our
boys, learning about their heritage, & yet not have them in our arms.
It was difficult to see the precious children toddling around all
bundled up (it's in the 50s) & know that we are so close to our boys.
At the same time, it's such a cool thing for the 3 of us to get to do
together!  It has been so special to my heart already to watch Jayson
develop first-hand experience of exploring another culture.

We are incredibly grateful for each of you & how you are covering our
family in prayer, keep 'em coming!

We're off to dinner & will update again tomorrow

Wo ai ni  (I love you)~

Jonathan, DeAnna, & our boys!

PS~ for those of you that know I'm notorious for forgetting my bra on
trips, you'll be glad to know I remembered it this time!  Mama's got
it together...ha!

The one with 10 days & the BIG FEELS (Originally written 3/1/2015)

Originally written 3/1/2015**

We are 10 days away from leaving for China.  10. Days.  Oh my. 

We have 7 "to-do" lists.  Yes, 7.  Things to buy, things to pack, things to prepare, things to do before we leave, etc.

Oh my.  

So many of you have called & emailed, asking how we're doing & how preparation is going.  We are INCREDIBLY grateful to have such a loving group of family & friends joining us in this journey! 

Since many of you have asked, we decided to relaunch our custom t-shirt!  During this journey, there have been several times when everything could have fallen a part & not worked out the way we hoped they would; in these moments the Lord reminded us of the simple truth that all it takes is a very small amount of faith & He can do wonders (Matthew 17:20).  As such, we decided to do a t-shirt around Matthew 17:20 that reflects "faith in the Lord."  The shirt is designed by our dear friend Ryan Morris & the scripture reference & word "faith" is written in Jayson's handwriting.  This is a very precious t-shirt to me & we are VERY grateful to everyone that has already purchased one!  I attached a picture for those of you that haven't seen it & the link to purchase is:

https://www.bonfirefunds.com/patterson-family-adoption

If you have one & are planning on meeting us at the airport for our homecoming, please wear it!

Last night, after an afternoon of cleaning out things & shifting things around here at home, I was feeling quite overwhelmed:  there is MUCH joy in this Mama's heart being a family of 3 & there is a part of me that grieves the fact that in a few short weeks, we won't have these moments again.  There is still alot to get done to prepare for our trip & the boy's arrival.  I was fighting feelings of overwhelming stress when I got a FB message from a dear friend who lives a state away (& I haven't seen in a year).  We share a common bond, this girlfriend & I, in that we have children that have been loved on & cared for by New Hope Foundation in China (see my previous email for more details about NHF).  Yesterday, their monthly email came out & there was a sweet blessing inside that I know was meant just for me: 

"Children continue to be adopted. One very special child, James (known by most as "Rui Rui"), for whom we have prayed for so long to have a family, is finally going to a wonderful forever family in March. It’s these things that bring me much joy in the midst of the sadness and suffering that is all around us. The quote at the end of my letter is from an email we received from his mother."

 

& in that moment, I was reminded that the Lord is blessing us with not one, but TWO  MORE PRECIOUS SONS that one day, we will have the honor of knowing & loving the way we do Jayson.  For that, every bit of the preparation, sadness, & stress is so very worth it!  Without a doubt.  

The line Dr. Hill included at the end of her email is the quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. that graces the bottom of every email I send, "

​

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."  

In the depths of my soul I know THIS is what I was created for; what we have been created for.  As a follower of Christ, there is no greater calling than to speak up, speak out, & stand up for the things that matter; the things of eternal significance.  So our challenge to you is to find out what matters, what has eternal significance, that the Lord is asking you to speak up & speak out for.  It will have hard moments, but it will be worth it!

It is an honor to stand in the gap for those that cannot stand for themselves; to try our best to love the way Christ loves in a broken & hurting world.  It is truly a blessing that we do not take lightly.  In the same light, we know Satan is pissed & will be relentless in his attack; we know that he hates it any time any of us put action to our faith to follow the Lord where He leads.  As such, we are grateful for your prayers of peace & protection moving forward as we trust our Heavenly Father to lead us.  

He is with us, He has gone before us, & we trust His plan: 

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." ~Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

Thank you for journeying with us~

--

​Jonathan, ​DeAnna, & our boys​

And the packing, begins, oh my!

He really wanted to go!

This one didn't really have anything to do with packing, it was just so sweet I had to share!

Packing, so stressful